June 18, 2013

Help! I'm A New Christian. What Are The Rules On Dating (2)

I am having conversations about Christian women more and more with our new Christian men. What sort of woman should they ‘look out’ for? How do you know if it’s the right one? How do you know if they like you or are just being nice to you?

According to one of my men:

“When I first came to church I found the women a bit confusing. I thought they all fancied me because they kept talking to me and asking me stuff about my life. Where I come from that means a girl fancies you. I thought I was a right stud with all these girls after me. Then, I realised they didn’t fancy me, they were just being nice and polite. Now I have no idea how to talk to one. How do I know if I should ask a Christian girl out?”

My advice is usually a combination of both spiritual and practical considerations.

You can find the first 4 tips in part one here.

5. Have you sought spiritual advice from a more mature Christian? We must not confuse our volatile emotions with “God's will”, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. A mature believer will only have your best interests at heart and can often give good, impartial advice on matters of the heart. Always seek biblical wisdom before making any big decisions.

6. Remember, she might look good but that doesn’t mean she is good. Satan uses all sorts of tricks to lead us astray, and pretty girls is the oldest, and most successful, one in the book. We have seen so many men have their faith shipwrecked over the last few years. We have seen others come to church, show a keen spiritual interest, but are out the door as soon as any girl shows interest. Be on guard.

7. Do not rush in to any form of physical contact. Yes, that includes kissing! Once lines get crossed, we just make new ones further down the path until, suddenly, there are none left to cross. Have strong accountability in this because men with previous sexual history struggle badly in this area. Our aim is always sexual purity.

8. Does she really love the Lord Jesus? Men must have a strong walk, but so must women. Does this girl have a strong, personal faith in Jesus and a solid testimony? Many a young man has fallen into the “well she's interested” trap when it comes to this stuff. But really she is less interested in Christ and more interested in having a relationship. While the going is good, she will play along. But, when hardships, sacrifice, and cost come then her real heart will come to the fore. Often, it is too late when this happens as many men are so emotionally committed that they drift from the Lord to please the girl.

More to follow.

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